So I've determined there isn't near enough of it going around. "It" would be the information that is passed from one mom to a new mom in the time before and after their baby is born. At new moms group this past week this topic came up and became the major discussion point for the majority of our meeting. Are people really honest about what it's like to have a baby? Why are people only concerned with "sugar coating" new mommyhood and not giving an honest account of what it's really like? Why are we afraid as moms (and dads too) to be totally honest with one another? Sure, you may not want to spill all of your new mommy highs and lows to strangers, but do we do even our closest friends justice when we aren't honest with one another?
In short, no - we're not honest. I have many friends that are moms - AMAZING moms - but there are things I had no clue about when I had Claire. Sure, many of us probably keep those details to ourselves so that we don't "scare off" new moms. However, I think that if someone had REALLY told me how hard nursing would be at first or how difficult some days would be (sleep deprivation aside) or how isolating being a new mom can feel at times I would have been more mentally prepared. (And reassured that if they survived, I would too.) I was so motivated to nurse before I had Claire. Then I had Claire and the next three weeks were absolutely hellish. This was toe curling pain like I had never experienced - and it came about every hour for a lengthy amount of time. I would sob at the thought of having to nurse and couldn't imagine how people grew to enjoy it! Luckily, I hung in there (with the support of friends and family) and now we're quite successful and I'm a huge supporter of nursing moms. (If you need a nursing cheerleader - just call!) But NO ONE told me it would be that hard. I was shocked that I was so miserable and having such a hard time. (If it wasn't for Clay I might have lost my mind.) But I made it through - just like other moms before me - but having been prepared mentally would have been nice.
Of course it's not like I'm hoping moms everywhere will sit around all day and complain to one another about their kids - that's not my point. But if we were more honest with one another as mothers - I feel we'd create a much more supportive environment for not just new mommies, but all mommies. I've tried to be honest with my pregnant friends about how things may be tough. Not to scare them, but to prepare them and reassure them that someone out there has experienced this and survived.
I have been extremely blessed in how much support and how many resources I have had since having Claire. Liz (our midwife) thankfully sat us down and very bluntly told us before leaving the hospital that there would be days we would think to ourselves "what have we done?!" She was honest about how emotional this stage of adjustment would be which reassured me at times. However I was not prepared for just how difficult it could be at times. BABS has been a huge support and the new moms group there has been an amazing opportunity to me. (It's usually the highlight of my week.) Even with all of this support and the amazing friends and family we have - we still have rough days. (If you're one of those people reading this - our love and thankfullness for you could never be put into words.) I still have moments where I wonder when on Earth this will get better. (Newest challenge: Crying whenever we're around other people...dun dun duuuunnn.)
I guess my point is this - let's be honest with one another. We all love our babies unconditionally, but let's be honest, some days it's really difficult. Honesty and cheerleading are crucial to moms. And another thing - we need to stop judging one another so critically. (I'll post on that another day.) So, hug a mom friend. Encourage someone you know. Give honest advice when someone wants it. Be supportive and remind your fellow mammas that we've all been there and we can all survive if we give it a try. Join a moms group, start a moms group, call your mamma friends and check in. Encourage. Support. Love.
